etben: flowers and sky (Default)
etben ([personal profile] etben) wrote2013-02-01 10:04 pm
Entry tags:

"excuse me, is this zero dark thirty?"

Earlier this week, [personal profile] jai informed me that we were going to see that modern classic, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.

Internet, I tell you freely: I was dubious as fuck. Renner's face swayed me a little, and the prospect of fangirls swayed me a little more, and the promise of seeing it at the movie theater that will sell you beer persuaded me, but still: dubious as fuck.

...which turned out to be unwarranted, because OH MY GOD SO MUCH FUN. :DDDDDD

Not, let me clarify, because the movie is good. The movie is...not good. Very much with the not good. The opening scene involves a witch's house (in pseudo-1300s Germany) with orange candy peanuts on the door, okay - historical accuracy is just ONE of the many things that went completely out the window in this movie. Other things: coherent plot, couth, subtlety, class, any pretensions at a lack of an incest subplot.

And yet: SUPER ENJOYABLE. Largely, to be fair, because a few minutes after we settled in at the theater, some people sat behind us. I listened to their conversation, as creepy people do, and after a few minutes I leaned over to J and whispered,

"I think they're from the Internet."

Which indeed they were! And together we made a very merry ten-person heckling section while Jeremy Renner ran around with his anachronistic weaponry, pretending (badly) not to want to fuck his sister. There were witches! (Renner had sex with them) And fanboys! (Renner didn't have sex with them, unless that happened while I was getting more beer) And a troll! (...god, I hope nobody had sex with the troll.) Basically, it was utter schlock, gratuitous on every level, and I enjoyed it 1000000%. D- movie, A+ experience.

And then we left the theater, exchanged internet contact details, got shushed at in the hallway twice, took over a patch of sidewalk for a while, went in search of cupcakes, achieved cupcakes, went in search of MOAR BOOZE, were unsuccessful, gave up for reasons of OMG COLD, and parted ways.

MY POINT IS: I love the internet. Thank you, tubes, for bringing me fandom, and by extension not only Jeremy Renner and his ridiculous dead face, but fangirls of all different stripes to join me in making a spectacle of ourselves in public. ♥!
riverlight: A rainbow and birds. (Default)

[personal profile] riverlight 2013-02-02 05:49 am (UTC)(link)
Awww what FUN. I wanna meet fangirls next time I'm out, hear me, universe? *g*

(I probably won't meet any in my small-town CT movie theater this weekend, I don't suppose, though then again one never knows...)

[identity profile] 2013-02-02 02:30 pm (UTC)(link)

It was SPECTACULAR. So glad you were persuaded by beer!

[identity profile] 2013-02-02 05:37 pm (UTC)(link)
I do not understand how anyone could be dubious about a movie whose trailer featured THAT MUCH VIOLENCE and THAT MUCH LEATHER, but I am v glad you came around to the other side. I feel like H&G:WH is something all of fandom can share.
ext_842: (rl: yes but wait what)

[identity profile] 2013-02-02 05:53 pm (UTC)(link)
see, I am actually not a fan of violence, is the thing? Or, like - I love love love martial arts stuff of all stripes, mostly because I love seeing people do amazing things with their bodies; if there are flips and improbable feats of coordination, I am THERE. But the actual violence part - blood and gore and seeing people get hit in the head - just kind of distresses me.

...unless the person who gets hit makes a stupid face. Then I'm totally in. Which made H&G a pretty great choice, because Renner spends an inordinate amount of time getting hit and then looking bemused.

[identity profile] 2013-02-04 01:34 pm (UTC)(link)
"getting hit and then looking bemused" = Renner's entire acting career.

[identity profile] 2013-02-03 04:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I love this review and had to read it aloud to my guy, as we'd been seeing snippets of other people's reactions and had been, well, Dubious. This review is great (and almost convinced me to see it :D) and you are great! :D