etben: flowers and sky (city on the edge of forever)
So I've been thinking about the idea of Atlantis as a sentient being, and particularly as the portrayal of Atlantis as female, and I've had a few thoughts )


Sep. 30th, 2007 03:18 pm
etben: flowers and sky (girlkissing is the BEST)
This entry has been brewing for a very long while, and I still don't think I'm saying everything I mean to say, or saying the things I do say in entirely the right way - but I've been chasing this same set of ideas around my brain for long enough, at this point, that it seems worth it to grab the nearest trailing end and try to unravel it all.

First, though, two notes:

I do not want wank. I am all about discussion, because it's fun and interesting and Good For You (and Me) - but this is first and foremost a collection of my views, as informed by my life and experiences. It's my soft underbelly, friends – so, you know, disagree all you like, but mind the entrails.

I am not, nor have I ever been, an expert on sexuality. There are people who are! They are probably much smarter and better-informed than I am! And I feel like I'm reinventing the wheel, with this - but I also feel that, on these kinds of issues, we all have to come up with our own wheels, because these are so much questions of the individual and of identity. So, you know. Bear with me.

Good? Good.

Hi, livejournal! I've been thinking about 'queer' recently, and what it means as a word in the world, and what it means to me specifically (and how those two are and aren't the same thing). )
etben: flowers and sky (Default)
1. thoughts on the strikethrough whosywhatsis )

2. Conversations I Probably Shouldn't Be Having At Work, #9781:

[ profile] etben: man, I want to write dirty fucking.
but I don't know who should fuck!
I am very unspecific, is the thing
I want to write fucking!
I don't know what kind.
[ profile] shoemaster: other than 'dirty'
[ profile] etben: right@
...possibly I just want to have sex.
*thinks about it*

But, actually? I want to write about fucking, I've decided. It's my last shift at work until sometime in July! I want to make it memorable! And porn is always memorable, right? OF COURSE RIGHT.

SO: Give me a prompt! In any fandom that I write, or that you know I'm familiar with, or any combination of those fandoms. Any number of characters! Crossovers! Orgies! And I will write you at least 100 words of fiction without any redeeming social value.

(Full disclosure: I am absurdly ADD today - I started and discarded half a dozen ideas for stories in chat with [ profile] shoemaster in the space of, like, twenty minutes. Also, I won't be able to post any pornfiction until after I get off shift, since the bossmen have decided (wisely, really) that lj is not a site to which the student staff should have access on the work computers. Still! I will think about your prompts with GREAT DEVOTION, and post the results from home.)


Jan. 21st, 2007 01:38 am
etben: flowers and sky (these boots were made for public transit)
someday, I will make an entry that is not in the form of a list. some day...later.

recently, I:

1. was thoroughly discouraged from EVER ENTERING ACADEMIA EVER; was reassured that I can work for the CIA without undue soul-sucking; listened to some extremely dull speakers and one who was batfrak insane; ate a food. (TNS. Verdict: seven hours of my life that I will never see again.

2. Gussied myself up; danced with the dinosaurs; swanned about the Field Museum being a GINORMOUS DORK with [ profile] shoemaster; spent thirty minutes quality time with a globe, finding places I know from fandom. There are pictures! Possibly there will some day be a slideshow of FANNISH CHICAGO images - we shall see! ([ profile] shoemaster's homecoming. Verdict = KICKASS, mostly because OMG CANADA.)

3. was tagged at [ profile] stop_drop_porn; freaked out (mostly on [ profile] shoemaster and [ profile] custardpringle; stayed up until A MILLION AM; wrote this. (Verdict: F/K, bodyswap, smut.)

4. found someone who may be willing to share an apartment with me next quarter (thereby enabling me to have, you know, a BEDROOM again). Verdict: FUCKING AWESOME. *crosses fingers*

Soon, I will:

1. Study Arabic until I throw up.

2. Sleep for a million years.

3. Meta on about the bodyswap, and why it wound up being such a goddamn story, and how it's really the outgrowth of a number of things that have interested me for a very long time. Possibly, this will involve finishing that bizarre little pain-sharing snippet from SGA. Possibly, it will only involve shooting myself in the FACE.

4. curl up in bed with [ profile] shoemaster and watch Call Of The Wild. BOYFRIENDS YAY.
etben: flowers and sky (Default)
never done one of these before...

running commentary on sga 3x05, progeny )

...Yeah. I'll try to be coherent about that later.
etben: flowers and sky (Default)
I'm stubborn, and bad with change, and I really don't like admitting it when I'm wrong. Still, in a situation like this, you've got to do what you've got to do, and so I need to say the following:

Dear Stargate: SG-1,

I kind of like you.

Now, I'm not committing to anything - it's too early in our relationship for that, I think. We're going to have to take it slow, I think, and I'm not going to stop spending time with SGA or dS. They're important to me, and you need to understand that if we're going to get anywhere with this. And I'm sorry, but I don't want to get involved with your fandom, because that is way too much to ask - it wouldn't be fair to you, or to my other fandoms, or to me.

That said? Hi. Hi. You're kind of cute.

A little explanation, spoilery for SG1 1x01 and 10x03. )


[ profile] etben

PS: See? Can too admit when I was wrong!


Dear SGA,

Oh, stop whining. You have all of my heart and most of my brain and 65% of my WIPs. You are loved plenty. SG-1 will never replace you.


[ profile] etben


Dear John Sheppard,

No, you cannot have POV in EVERY DAMN STORY I WRITE. Seriously, I love you to bits, but you need to let other people talk.


[ profile] etben


Dear Things I Should Be Doing,

Yeah, I know. I'm working on it.

[ profile] etben


Dear The World,

Please vid The Trouble With Poets. I don't even care what fandom you vid it in (although SGA or dS would be preferred, obviously), because I love that song like none other.


[ profile] etben
etben: flowers and sky (dS- shake)
Things That Were Good Today:

1) Chocolate Ice Cream. For breakfast. Yay! I'm a grown-up.

2) Simon and Garfunkel, played very loud. Dude, don't laugh.

3) Not going to work! Not having to go to work until Monday!

4) Long floppy skirts that twirl and swoosh.

5) Eating food. (Yes, I know. Amazing how that improves your mood, isn't it?)

6) No roommate for the weekend!

7) due South.

Specifically, the very first season of due South.

Which, really? I did not expect. I mean, I expected to enjoy it, because, hi, due South! due South is awesome. But, OK, I'll be honest: I came to due South via fandom, and so, really? I've more or less imprinted on Ray Kowalski. He is my darling dear, and I love him muchly. [ profile] riverlight can attest, I've spent a lot of time jumping up and down and babbling incoherently about how he and Fraser are so married it hurts. And, I mean, in a non-pairing-specific-way, I just love him. He makes sense to me on a lot of levels, and he's the character (of all my fandoms) whose voice I'm most comfortable with, in terms of writing. He is the bestest boy in the world.

But, that said? I really like Ray Vecchio. I mean, I really like him. True, his fashion sense is clearly nonexistent, and he's not my physical type, but he's awesome. He is the underdog, and I am rooting for him. He and Fraser have the best banter I've ever seen, in any fandom - maybe even better than Fraser and Ray Kowalski? But then I don't know. I feel conflicted.

I don't know that I could slash them - I mean, in fairness, I've only watched the pilot and the first episode so far, so I have no grounds to judge - but I already have a lot of love for Ray Vecchio. LOVE LIKE HEY THERE.

Other things of interest:

CHICAGO CHICAGO HI HI CHICAGO! I mean, I know (or at least I'm assuming) it's not all Chicago, but enough of the views are Chicago that I have to bounce up and down. Also: how much fun is it that they're clearly driving down the same streets again and again? FUN FUN FUN. Not that it particularly matters, since the first two floors or so always look the same to me, when I'm in downtown-downtown Chicago. it just me, or is Dief really clearly not always the same dog? I mean, I knew that it wasn't always the same dog, but it seems like right now it's really obvious.

I hadn't realized how badly Ray Vecchio was doing, when Fraser arrived - I mean, from the rest of the series, and from fic, I hadn't really gotten a good idea of how little-respected he was, and how close he was to getting fired. It adds an interesting dimension, one that really isn't there, with Ray Kowalski - because of course Ray Kowalski (as Ray Vecchio) can't get fired, although by that point presumably Ray Vecchio's own record is strong enough that it's not a serious concern. Still: Ray Vecchio is not the duck I thought he was, from his brief mentions in my general reading material and from his appearance in Call of the Wild. Interesting. Veery eeeenterestink.

ALSO: Can we all just talk about how hot the brown uniform is? Mmmmm. Because, I mean, Fraser's very attractive anyway, and he does look good in the red, but the brown is just tasty. Not to mention considerably more accessible-looking, which I can definitely see would be a good thing.

ALSO-ALSO: I've just realized that my Boots Of Doom And Also Sex (the boots I will one day own, but not until I start making enough money to buy them on less than a week's pay) are totally Mountie Boots. The design is remarkably similar - I can't believe I didn't notice it before now. Clearly, I secretly want to be a mountie.

ALSO-ALSO-ALSO: where is all the fic with the crazy reporter chick from Diefenbaker's Day Off? Seriously, yo! I want someone to write this like nobody's business (although I'd like it even more if they gave her a haircut first, because the hair she's got? Ick. Ick. Ick.).

Shut up don't mock me! She's freaky and kind of awesome and I really like her. You could even set it in the RayK seasons, and have Plot And Drama, because she'd know that Ray Kowalski was Not Who He Claimed To Be. (And, OK, I kind of pretty much really want Fraser and RayK to have a threesome with her. Because - you know what? Just because. Threesomes need no justification.) Or it could just be goofy fun. Seriously - does she die or something? Marry a Mormon? Move to DC? I feel like there should be fic involving her. So come on, people! Point me!

also, this has my undying love. Fucking UNDYING, people:

Fraser: She shot my hat, Ray.
Ray: She shot you in the hat?
Fraser: I can feel air coming in through the hole.
Ray: She shot you in the hat, all right.
Fraser: How does it look?
Ray: It doesn't look good.

and this:

Fraser: Well, if you didn't know what I was planning, then why did you play along?
Ray: I wasn't playing along, Fraser, I was begging for my life.
Fraser: Oh! Oh, well, uh. My mistake.

Dear Fraser and Ray, HI! Can I marry the both of you? But mostly you, Fraser.

So, yes, due South made my day all better. Considering that my list of Things That Made My Day Lousy would have looked something like this:

1) Everything else.

All I can say is that due South is some strong stuff. Now - do I watch another episode before crashing, or am I exhausted enough that I'll be able to get to sleep without having to have hysterics first? Decisions, decisions...

Edited to Add (not that anyone's seen this since I posted, in all likelihood, so it's not like it matters...):

I am a special, special bear. I looked at the date on my computer, noted that it was April 1, took an April Fool's Day meme, and yet? Still did not realize that April Fool's Day was, you know, now. Sigh.

The meme was pretty funny. (although if any of you are going to do any of these things? please don't.) )
etben: flowers and sky (Default)
So, um, March?

Yes, apparently.

Some people on my flist have been making vaguely triumphal "look what I wrote in February!" posts, which, seriously: good for you! rock on with your bad selves!

I, however, would feel more than a little bit silly writing that sort of thing. Instead, I present to you

A Bigass List of Things (Dude, it is so Bigass! 14 Things Is A Lot!) I Will Eventually Write

And so I say unto you all: which should I work on next? )

HINT: if you ask me questions about one of these, I'll probably drabble you some of it in the comments, with the exception of the first two, since #1 is a secret and #2 is a co-written project.

Come on, friends...ask me questions! make me do something other than stare at my ankles and wonder if they've always looked so...awkward.
etben: flowers and sky (Default)
NOTE: this only really applies to the English I happen to speak, which is the English of American Midwestern Intellectuals. Any and all statements I make are null and void elsewhere.

And now, some musing on eye dialect. And Ray Kowalski, and also Rodney McKay. Because everything is about fandom. )

Does that make sense to anyone who's not, um, hip-deep in this stuff already? Because it's really interesting to me, but that's no good unless I've managed to, in some way, make it accessible to those of you who aren't, you know, tremendous dorks. (Or at least not tremendous dorks in this particular way.)

Although, damn. Now I want someone to write fic in which Ray has his accent pointed out to him, and gets really self-conscious about it, and tries to talk 'properly', and drives Fraser nuts. Any volunteers to write it? I'd be totally willing to provide all of the linguistics meta-babble that Fraser would spew, in an attempt to make him feel better about his accent...

Aw, fuck. *adds it to the list of stories she'll write one of these days*

[ETA: As [ profile] tovalentin pointed out, most non-American English speakers say [zed], not [zee], so < ZedPM > is really only an American-listening-to-a-Canadian thing. Yay for accuracy!]
etben: flowers and sky (politician villain - permetaform)
ok, so, seriously, now: bwuh?

I've had Michael downloaded since early Tuesday, I think, but I was busy enough since then that I only just watched it.

And now I'm seriously thinking I should have started drinking before watching it. )

Conclusion: not my favorite episode, although parts of it did make me giggle like a loon. Mostly I'm such a not-fan of bad science that my brain just broke.

in other news, ghoti spells fish!
etben: flowers and sky (bossy rodney!  rike_tikki_tavi)
Interview went passing well - the guy seemed concerned about my taking a full load of classes and then working 15 hours a week, but, I mean, really? For the past three quarters, I've been doing theater of one kind or another, and that's usually closer to 20 hours a week, almost all of them in the evenings. 15 hours, M-F, between 8h30 and 5? Sounds really excellent. Apparently I'll hear back from him within a few days, though, which is good.

But that's not why we're here. We're here to talk about Coup D'Etat! (spoilers, dur) )

In other news, I really want someone to make a songvid to Erin McKeown's "White City", which is my new SGA song - it's all happy and accomplishmenty.

Raise! and be raised!
our hands face up and our faces forward -
show us the beauty!
show us where to aim our story -
etben: flowers and sky (Default)

So, for some reason, recently my brain has been going overtime, with the planning and the ideas and the plotting of random fic. This, needless to say, is NOT WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING in any way shape or form. I should be studying for finals (eep!), or planning for study abroad, or eating, or sleeping, or any of the other things I tend to not do.

But the ideas, they come. And since the index cards are quick to get unsightly (plus, you know, I kind of need those for making flash cards with), I will put them here.

Things I Will Eventually Write (maybe) )

If you want any of these, please, take them. In all probability, I'll never actually write more than a few scenes of each, and I'd love it if they had a home to go to.


Nov. 29th, 2005 06:11 pm
etben: flowers and sky (Default)

because no sooner have I finished rambling about the Hive and how it is and what it makes me want (if you're too lazy to read that: I want John to freak the fuck out). And then, then, then...[ profile] eretria, who is a ROCKSTAR, uploaded Epiphany in .wmv form, which meant I could watch it, which meant exceedingly happy thérèses.

Then, though, as though the world wasn't loving me enough, the episode? was totally EXACTLY what I wanted. Like, to the letter.

Life, she is good.

More episode commentary! (this time, though, I took notes. two index cards, front and back, covered with scribbles of squee! I am in so much love right now.) )

It's kind of neat being in a fandom where I'm actually catching things as they air, instead of coming late to the canon. exhilirating!

seriously, apart from the hot mansexing, this episode gave me pretty much all I wanted right now, particularly from John Sheppard. You can go now, boys...
etben: flowers and sky (Default)
So, just saw the Hive.

Read more... )

Yeah. Maybe I think about this too much?

But, really? no way.
etben: flowers and sky (Default)
So, I'm thinking about Sheppard.

More specifically, I'm trying to figure out how to reconcile the two aspects of Sheppard that are currently sharing an uneasy coexistence in my head. Because, see, there's the Sheppard I wrote the other day, in the flashfic, who is all things to all people, running around (subtly, so as not to muss the hair, but still) trying his damndest to keep them all safe, doing everything he can just to make their lives better and easier. Sure, he's suave and chill and so charming you could shine your shoes with him, but the guy genuinely cares about all the people he works with. I see this particularly when he goes after Sumner and the others, and when he brings the Athosians back. I see it when he doesn't want to leave Atlantis. I also see it when he's letting Teyla teach him to fight with the sticks, because it's not a skill he needs to be learning, but it seems to do her a lot of good to teach it. I mean, sure, he enjoys it, but I don't think he does a lot of things just because they're fun, not in his day-to-day life. He's too aware, I guess. He's very good at making the things he has to do enjoyable, but they're always first. This is the John Sheppard I think appears most often in fanfiction, particularly in fanfiction that uses him as one of the romantic leads. It makes sense, really—it's much easier to imagine this Sheppard in love than the other Sheppard there is.

This, of course, is Major Sheppard, Professional Scary Bastard.

Because how many of the Genii does Sheppard take out during The Storm/The Eye? And, just in general, does he ever seem even slightly bothered by all the killing he does? Admittedly, he does this for a living, and admittedly, we maybe aren't seeing as much of his tortured underbelly as perhaps the more angstthirsty of us would like (includes self). But still. Where are this man's coping mechanisms?

Beyond his sheer willingness to resort to violence, um, a lot, I feel like he doesn't actually connect with other people very well. He smiles and nods, has a witty comment and a charming smirk, and then he just goes off and does whatever the fuck he wants. And I can't help but feel that Lt Colonel John Sheppard has the capacity to become a seriously scary guy, given half a chance. All in a good cause, of course...

Which, of course, is why I love him, but it makes it hard to get into his head.

More later, when the stats is done, or maybe the long-plotted entry on Genderfuck and Why I Like It. Or maybe nothing at all.


etben: flowers and sky (Default)

October 2015



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