DEAR CASTLE FANDOM:

[etben]

THIS IS RELEVANT TO YOUR INTERESTS.

It contains such gems as:

So tonight Espo and I headed out to a swank party on the Upper East Side that our new bouncer friends are working at. Far more nicely dressed than we were the other day and no Crown Vic. (Not that Esposito ever lets me behind the wheel anyhow – he's no fan of my driving. A consequence of growing up in the Bronx, getting my license late in life, and a little incident in the Village a year ago... neutral and reverse look similar, okay?)

I just. I JUST. HOW IS THIS SHOW REAL?