I don't EVEN have an opinion.

[etben]

NOTE: The kindergarteners have a bird. It's bright blue parakeet, about six inches long from beak to tail-tip, and it flies freely around the classroom. Most of the time it ignores me, except for one day a few weeks ago when it decided my shoulder was the BEST place to sit. The kids love it, and mostly everything is fine.

Mostly.

SCENE: Monday morning, 10:30 AM. Kindergarten.

N00BLES and etben are teaching a class. THE BIRD is flying around the classroom, landing from time to time on a desk or a strategically-placed branch. THE KIDS are mostly paying attention to the lesson.

N00BLES: (in French) What is that bird doing?

etben turns to look at the bird, who rubs itself frantically against a lamp, its cage, and then a child's head.

etben: (in French) ...exactly what you think it's doing.

N00BLES: :OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUT BUT BUT

etben: WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING THIS NOW LET'S SING A SONG.

*

SO YES. Masturbating parakeet: check! I mostly managed to stifle my giggles; n00bles was less successful, but he has a tendency to laugh awkwardly for no real reason, so I don't think anybody noticed.

GUYS. MY LIFE IS A DUE SOUTH STORY. WHAT. I mean, I guess at least it's a good story? But still. WHAT.

*

In news that has nothing to do with masturbating birds, it is almost the end of the school year! I have to admit that I am pretty excited. Eight more days of classes (not that I am counting), and for a week of that I will have my jai with me! \o/

I am less excited about packing up all my worldly possessions, but...still kind of excited, actually! I like putting things in boxes, okay. BOXES ARE RAD.

Other things that I am excited about: FOB in MSP!, going to CHICAGO for a few days, going HOME for a few days, summertime!, all the middleman fic that I am going to write once my off-brand claritin kicks in. And also the lentil soup that I am going to make just as soon as I wake the rest of the way up. I was hiding in my room from n00bles and C and n00bles' ladyfriend, because they wanted to go be social and I really did not...but then I, um, fell asleep.

IN CONCLUSION MY LIFE IS RIDICULOUS AND YOU SHOULD COME TALK TO ME ABOUT STUFF.

Comments

[impertinence.livejournal.com]

but the middleman is like "Now, Dubby, we have to be cautious. It does have that rather deadly-looking ray gun."

and Wendy says "I DON'T CARE GET IT OFF ME NOW. RIGHT NOW. IDA, STOP LAUGHING."

[etben.livejournal.com]

oh man, ida totally saves that video footage, though, doesn't she? and plays it at every possible occasions.

...dude. do they throw birthday parties at middleman HQ? or, like, non-denominational winter holiday parties? because that would be pretty hilarious.

[impertinence.livejournal.com]

i bet they do! and every year the middleman threatens to teach wendy to waltz.

[etben.livejournal.com]

oh godddddddd that is adorable.

OR, you know, it could be that they don't! and wendy is all OKAY THIS IS RIDICULOUS and invites the middleman to HER holiday festivities, where he is awkward and adorable.

and of course the mistletoe winds up being evil. OF COURSE.

[impertinence.livejournal.com]

omg. does it attach itself to his face or something?

[etben.livejournal.com]

idk! possibly? or possibly it grows and grows and grows until it blocks all the doors and windows and wendy and the middleman have to blast everybody free.

or we could always go with sex pollen. i mean. YOU CAN'T GO WRONG WITH SEX POLLEN. or, like, sex pollen's younger, less intimidating brother: KISSING POLLEN. and wendy is all WE SHOULD BLAST OUR WAY FREE because she would really rather not make out with her boss while lacey is RIGHT THERE PINING, and the middleman is all "it's actually not that hazardous we should let it run its course" and lacey just sneaks off to hide from the middleman (she doesn't want him to kiss her because of KISSING POLLEN!) but finds wendy instead! and they make out!

and the middleman finds them and watches. o_____o

[impertinence.livejournal.com]

oh man, what if while he's watching the pollen gets the better of him and he ends up making out with a wall to save his dignity?

[etben.livejournal.com]

or with his hand! or, idk, he could just creep his way up to the side of the bed and start, like, kissing lacey's elbow.

and she turns around and is all UM and YOU KNOW YOU CAN JOIN IN, RIGHT?

[impertinence.livejournal.com]

and he alternates in between stuttering and making out with Wendy's shoulder until Wendy rolls her eyes and kisses him and Lacey lols at both of them.

[etben.livejournal.com]

exactly!

...possibly i actually know what story this whole sequence belongs in. AWESOME.

[impertinence.livejournal.com]