Yuletide! Tide of Yule

[etben]

Dear LJ, this is the best winter break in the history of ALL WINTER BREAKS EVER. We went to see my family for Thanksgiving, which meant just local relatives to wrangle for Christmas. YAY! Plus we did the Family Christmas Spectacular on Sunday, which let us chill on the couch on Christmas Eve and drink beer and watch The Sound of Music, and then we had a lazy Christmas morning of Yuletide and chocolate before venturing up to soundslikej’s mom’s house for dinner.

AND SO, I will now proceed to do that which I have never had time to do in the past, and present to you all some Yuletide recs!

Screaming Carols All the Way (596 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Heat (2013)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sarah Ashburn & Shannon Mullins
Characters: Sarah Ashburn, Shannon Mullins
Additional Tags: Christmas, BFFs
Summary:

Shannon and Sarah go Christmas shopping.

AUGH LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. Winter in Boston!

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Brass in Pocket (7112 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Heat (2013)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Sarah Ashburn/Shannon Mullins
Characters: Sarah Ashburn, Shannon Mullins
Summary:

Ashburn and Mullins from Thanksgiving til Christmas, featuring a holiday dinner, a condemned apartment, unexpected cohabitation, and unwise Christmas gifts.

Written for Miss soundslikej, but it felt like it could have been for me. The dialogue was pitch-perfect, and rang very true to my own experience of being an awkward human being who somehow finds herself in a relationship with somebody who is From Boston in ways which passeth all goddamn understanding.

*

Or Should I Walk by Again (3361 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Heat (2013)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Shannon Mullins/Sarah Ashburn
Characters: Shannon Mullins, Sarah Ashburn
Summary:

Shannon said, "Get it together, Ashburn. You can say shit like 'jill off' but you can't handle a little flirting from a girl? You're even sadder than I thought, and I thought you were plenty sad."

ALSO PERFECT, ugh, why is everybody so great? especially in love with this bit:

”It's forty degrees out there!" Shannon said. Her bare arms were pasty in the weak sunshine, and dotted with freckles. "That's fucking spring! It's fucking picnic weather! You want to go on a picnic?"

Sarah stared at her. "There's a foot of snow on the ground!”

Shannon rolled her eyes, then turned in at a drive-through Dunks. She yelled something unintelligible into the speaker at a woman who yelled something unintelligible back, and at the window she gave them two iced coffees and two tuna sandwiches.

"But I don't want a tuna sandwich from the doughnut place," Sarah said. "And this coffee has ice!”

*

In non-The Heat news, I also enjoyed:

Pendergast Family Lore (1784 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Easy A (2010)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Dill Pendergast/Rosemary Pendergast, Olive Penderghast/Woodchuck Todd
Characters: Rosemary Penderghast, Dill Penderghast, Olive Penderghast
Additional Tags: Bisexuality, Family Shenanigans, olds who are still totally banging
Summary:

The only things more unlikely than the things that your parents tell you when you're a kid are the truths that they tell you later.

Olive Penderghast’s parents are a weird cross between what I aspire to be when I grow up, and what my parents are right now. LOVE IT.

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The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Park (2670 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Parks and Recreation, Welcome to Night Vale
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Leslie Knope & Ann Perkins
Characters: Leslie Knope, Ann Perkins, Night Vale City Council
Summary:

The curious incident is that there is no dog in the dog park, and Leslie thinks that's really stupid. Ann's pretty sure that argument's going to get her killed.

It’s Leslie Knope…in Night Vale. Nothing is more perfect, except for how I need approximately 2000000000 more words of this.

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The Dual Proficiency Protocol (2451 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Middleman (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Wendy Watson, Noser (The Middleman)
Additional Tags: Best Friends, death-defying adventures, derring-do, Humor
Summary:

"So, this happens to you a lot?" "Oh, you know, just on days that end in y."

Wendy and Noser are bros! Loved it, light and silly and funny.

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Epiphany (1360 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Middleman (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Tyler Ford/Wendy Watson
Characters: Wendy Watson, Lacey Thornfield, Tyler Ford, Noser (The Middleman), The Middleman
Additional Tags: Christmas, Epiphany, Zombies
Summary:

"Hey, what do I get my boss for Christmas-Epiphany-general-festival-of-expressing-love-through-capitalism-whatever?"

And a very merry MiddleChristmas to all!

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Team The Best Team (5715 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Elementary (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Marcus Bell/Alfredo Llamosa, Marcus Bell/Ms. Hudson, Marcus Bell/Ms. Hudson/Alfredo Llamosa
Characters: Marcus Bell, Alfredo Llamosa, Ms. Hudson (Elementary), Joan Watson (Elementary), Sherlock Holmes
Additional Tags: Polyamory, Canon Character of Color, Trans Female Character
Summary:

Marcus gets along really well with Holmes' friends.

Just look at that relationship tag and tell me you aren’t interested. The only thing that would make this better would be 12k of porn (but then again, I think that about most things).

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The Velvetskynn™ Rabbit (3540 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Sex Toys (Anthropomorphic), Velveteen Rabbit - Margery Williams
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Vibrator (Sex Toy), Sqweel (Sex Toy), Anal Beads (Sex Toy), Old Spice Guy, Horse (Old Spice Guy), Sex Toys (Ensemble), Velvetskynn Rogering Rabbit, and Fleshlight (Sex Toy)
Additional Tags: Magical Realism, Weeping Velvetskynn Cocks, Sex Toys, STDs, Bad sex etiquette, Pastiche, The Pastiche is Eating Itself, Fleshlights Are Wise, Vibrator Existential Crisis, Wands Both Magical and Hitachi, Sex Toy Angst, Sex Toy Hurt Feelings, An Intimate Look at the Sex Toy Pecking Order, Ruining Childhoods Since 2006, Some sex toys have greatness thrust upon them and some sex toys just thrust
Summary:

A brief chronicle of one simple rabbit vibrator and his quest to provide the very best orgasms to his owner. A Velveteen Rabbit pastiche.

What is Yuletide without something horrifying and yet oddly perfect?

What are you reading? What should I be reading? If you want to guess what I wrote, go ahead - it’s not something I’ve written before, but I’ve been vocal about enjoying the canon, so it’s not a complete nonstarter. Merry Yuletide, internets!

Comments

[brooklinegirl.livejournal.com]

so glad you guys are home for the holidays! how great is it to have an actual BREAK?? we have been lolling on the couch all day, and ALL I've been doing is reading Yuletide - SUCH BLISS. (I have the sex toys fic open in a tab!) <3

[etben.livejournal.com]

oh my god, ACTUAL WEEK AND A HALF BREAK, it's so good I kind of want to cry. And, like, I know that I'm going to need to work on workstuff soon enough...but for the time being, it is Yuletide and kittens and tea at all hours, and it is DELIGHTFUL.